The wonders of "Shacking up"

I don't know how many times I get into the conversation with both men and women who are talking about living with their boyfriend or girlfriend before they are married. I get differing opinions on the issue. Some say they know it is wrong but don't care. Others say they don't see a problem with it and then there are those who put on a strong face in front of me, the pastor, hiding a secret since of shame for what they are doing. So what is the answer? Can boys and girls live together, while calling themselves a Christian, and be Okay? (By ok I mean "can I still get to Heaven?”)Well, here is my answer. It might seem a little long so stay with me.

First of all let me say that I'm not so stupid as to say that boys and girls can't live in the same house without going to bed together. Technically, maybe it’s possible. Is it probable is another question entirely but let me be on record as saying that it is POSSIBLE.The crazy thing is that many in our world have developed their own philosophy for determining right from wrong. We have so complicated things so that we can do what we want to do that we cause ourselves a lot of complicated grief in the end. I do not thing boys and girls, men and women, should live together and I think that refraining from it saves a lot of grief. Let me tell you why.

1. If you can live with your boyfriend and girlfriend without going to bed then you are either amazing or dead.
You and I were made to be sexual beings. I like sex. It is great. You and your mate should love it too. God gave it to us and the only thing I can say about it is, "allll-right God, you da man." (No irreverence intended.) A romp in the sack is the absolutely natural reaction for any man or woman who is attracted to someone. Let’s consider a little logic here. If you are in the same house and you get that certain feeling, what is likely to happen, to act on it or to turn it off? In fact, I bet some of you are thinking a little about misbehaving having read only this much of this blog, haven’t you? If you can turn it off then you must be Superman, or Superwoman.Now that I have stoked your fire and have gotten you thinking that you are ok if you're Superman or Superwoman let me do a bait-and-switch. If you can live with your future spouse and avoid hitting the sack with them then how are you going to break that trend once you tie the knot? One of the greatest reasons cited for marital breakups is a lack of sexual satisfaction. This means that husbands and wives aren't getting their jollies with each other in such a way that keeps them happy. This happens once a man or a woman decides not to pleasure their spouse either for selfish reasons or because they just don't want to anymore. If you can contain yourself when you see your boyfriend or girlfriend heading to the shower or cooking in their bare feet don't you think you are probably starting this same disastrous habit even before you are married? Now what do you have to look forward to?According to figures from StatsCan’s 1998 National Longitudinal Survey of Children and Youth, 63% of children whose parents were living common-law had seen their parents split by age 10, compared with 14% of children of married couples.

2. My little boy can't tell if you're behaving when you shut your door.
I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Because you are reading this blog I am guessing you already know that sex, although wonderful, is reserved for those who wear the rings. I once heard a woman who said “No ringy, no dingy.” But you already knew that. You have already included the logic that says that since the first sexual intercourse has such a profound physical and emotional effect on the body, especially the woman’s body, that it must be something that has a little more substance that your immediate thrills. And I know that since you have heard all the news of STD’s and you see all the babies who are born you have realized that sex must be a little more than a romp in the hay with this week’s “love of my life.” You know that the Bible says sex is reserved for husbands and wives and all of that jazz so I’m not going to stay here. I trust you.
Maybe you can live with your boyfriend or girlfriend and behave yourself but here is a big one for you. My little boy doesn’t know you are being a good boy or a good girl when you shut the door. One day he is going to have his own sexual awakening. One day he is going to notice that there is a lot more to girls than a creature that has long hair and acts funny. Let me place this on your shoulders. My son and thousands of his friends are all seeing how you live and if they see you shacking up they will learn from you and they just might be able to try it themselves. Let’s be honest, every 12 year old knows what might be going on when men and women close the door. They are not stupid. Are your actions teaching my son that it is ok to mess around with his girlfriend?

3. Once you move in it is hard to move out.
As a pastor I have talked to a lot of unhappy married couples who want to end their marriages. What is really interesting is that most of them can trace their overall unhappiness to the time before their marriage. Sure they had a great wedding and maybe even a few smiling pictures with their newborn children but the overall temperature of their marriage has been cold and unhappy. The obvious question then is, “Why didn’t you breakup instead of getting married?” The most common answer I have heard in my own office and from others I have talked with is, “We were already living together so we thought we might as well go ahead.” The simple fact is that once a couple lives together they often find it harder to break up, especially once they share bills, furniture, pets, etc. When you live with your boyfriend or girlfriend it is much harder to think clearly and end the relationship when might otherwise do so. This means that after several years of unhappy marriage you will have to pay thousands of dollars, endure tons of guilt and emotional distress and loose at least half your stuff in a nasty fight called a divorce.

Common-law relationships are a whopping 450% more likely to split up than a marriage!

You know, maybe your saying, “oh this stuff wouldn’t happen to me”, “what a bunch of exaggerated mumbo jumbo wrapped in churchy bull”, “this guy is nuts.” Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is a crock. Or just maybe, I know what I am talking about. Maybe if we all opened our eyes we would see that I am exactly right. Are you willing to take the expensive risk to find out? If you do I’ll do your couple’s counseling.