One of my activities is to participate in a special government process. This is a CISM debriefing of National Guardsman who have returned from a deployment.
I once worked with a unit that had been deployed for a year in a "quieter" part of the world. They were still active duty, mind you, just not in the heat of things like they would be in Iraq or Afghanistan. Initially I thought this would indicate a "cakewalk". "Great, no big issues to work through." I thought this would indicate we would just have to go through our process and go home with no worries. However, the day proved me wrong. Many of these guardsman were furious. The reason was simple, they didn't feel they had fulfilled their purpose.
They felt their first duty was to their state. In the previous year their state had been hit over and over with natural disasters. They felt they should be home to take care of their state but instead they were abroad, "wasting time". As a second consideration they realize their training as soldiers and as such felt that if they had to be deployed then their duty was with their comrades in Iraq or Afghanistan. However, they were sent to a "quiet" place where they felt they were wasting their abilities, training and talents.
I realized the brunt of a lesson I thought I had already learned that day. We are designed for a purpose. When God created us and placed us in our mother's womb he had a plan for our life that would give us a future and a hope. When we operate in contrast to that plan we find ourselves miserable and wasted.
Hey maybe I should get paid the big bucks. I have the answer to the problems of every unhappy person in the world. It is quite simple really. It is this, "Contentment=following God's plan."
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Extreme Marriage Makeover Weekend
This weekend my wife and I worked as marriage mentors for what is called the Extreme Marriage Makeover Weekend. This is a weekend hosted by the Iowa Family Policy Center's Marriage Matters department. The focus of this weekend is to invite married couples who are facing, and even intending divorce.
Actually, as a last minute switch, Jonda and I didn't actually mentor an individual couple but served as the "pastor on site" for the week. We worked to debrief the mentors and also as spiritual guides for each of the couples. We met with each couple after their mentor session to highlight what they were learning and experiencing. We also spent special time teaching the couples how to focus on including God in their marriages. We taught them how to pray for and with each other.
There were four things I learned from this weekend. These are four ingredients that led to the demise of the marriage.
1. These folks were normal people. Not one of them had any kind of wild and crazy event that forced them to this stage in life. Every one of them were going through life just as anyone else does and found themselves facing this kind of difficulty.
2. These folks had simply forgotten how to have fun together. A common thread among all of them was that they don't date anymore. Why do married folks feel like they don't need to date anymore? Why do they feel like after the wedding there is no more need to learn about the other person?
3. These folks had all forgotten how to communicate. Each of these couples felt as if their marriage problem was unique but we were able to quickly reduce the big problems to another common thread, the inability or the unwillingness to communicate.
4. Divorce was not the only answer. There were a few couples who had already filed for divorce. In fact one couple should have had their divorce finalized some time ago but their attorney asked them to go through this weekend. Lets just say they thought they were over but after taking some time to put things back into perspective they are moving back in with each other and making a go of it.
Why do so many folks default to the idea that when the going gets tough the tough get a divorce? I learned very clearly that folks can save their marriage if they are willing.
Actually, as a last minute switch, Jonda and I didn't actually mentor an individual couple but served as the "pastor on site" for the week. We worked to debrief the mentors and also as spiritual guides for each of the couples. We met with each couple after their mentor session to highlight what they were learning and experiencing. We also spent special time teaching the couples how to focus on including God in their marriages. We taught them how to pray for and with each other.
There were four things I learned from this weekend. These are four ingredients that led to the demise of the marriage.
1. These folks were normal people. Not one of them had any kind of wild and crazy event that forced them to this stage in life. Every one of them were going through life just as anyone else does and found themselves facing this kind of difficulty.
2. These folks had simply forgotten how to have fun together. A common thread among all of them was that they don't date anymore. Why do married folks feel like they don't need to date anymore? Why do they feel like after the wedding there is no more need to learn about the other person?
3. These folks had all forgotten how to communicate. Each of these couples felt as if their marriage problem was unique but we were able to quickly reduce the big problems to another common thread, the inability or the unwillingness to communicate.
4. Divorce was not the only answer. There were a few couples who had already filed for divorce. In fact one couple should have had their divorce finalized some time ago but their attorney asked them to go through this weekend. Lets just say they thought they were over but after taking some time to put things back into perspective they are moving back in with each other and making a go of it.
Why do so many folks default to the idea that when the going gets tough the tough get a divorce? I learned very clearly that folks can save their marriage if they are willing.
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